As a general rule, I try to stay positive even when my days are roller coasters or just plain bad. In this blog I’ve tried to convey that same mindset, avoiding ending a blog on a sad note and instead finding the positive or rallying motivation to push through. With all of that said, I have to admit that there are days and times that just suck. I seem to be in the midst of one of those times; several days worth of two steps forward, one step back, putting out one fire only to have 3 more pop up. To say I am tired is an understatement. One good night’s sleep this week has done nothing to counteract the exhaustion that preceded it nor sustain me through the long days and lack of sleep that followed it. I have reached the point where I want to curl up in a ball and do nothing. I want to be done with class, I don’t want to think about doing papers or taking tests. I have a hard time focusing and even light days at work feel endless. Frankly, I don’t even want to think about writing articles and blog posts, things that I generally enjoy. I feel cranky and sore and am losing the fight against the headache threatening to ruin my day.
For all of the positive quotes and the motivation Mondays, this is still a reality of grad school and in particular grad school while working. There is no sugar coating the fact that it is hard and there are times that I really wish I had not put myself in this position. I recognize the feeling of being overwhelmed and I can feel myself becoming irritated over little things that I shouldn’t, a repercussion of stress and exhaustion. As much as I want to put on the strong face and find the positive spin, that might not be an option today. Today might be one of the few days where I collapse on the couch with a glass of wine and say “this sucks.” I can go back to positivity and the mindset of “this is worth it” tomorrow, but right now I need a few hours to take the easier metal route of wallowing. Whether it will make me feel any better is uncertain, but at least for a few hours there will be one less draw on my mental fortitude and energy.
Sleep: 6 Hours
Work: 8 Hours
Study: 1 Hour Case Study
Workout: Some crazy soccer inspired circuit
Soundtrack: Clare De Lune